bethajill

Sorry for ranting on a site like this, but it’s related to food in a way. Ignore if you want to, but I could really use some advice.

Over the last year, my time has been stretched thin. I go to vocational school in the weekdays from 8am to 5pm, then college from 6pm to 9pm except on the weekends it goes from 12pm to 8pm. Including that, I need to find time to go to the store, take care of my mother and make sure I get all my homework in. The only day off I have is Sunday, and I really don’t like to do ANYTHING on Sundays, especially be someone’s taxi service.

I’ve got this friend who for the last several weeks has been asking me to do things for her. She needs rides to the store, to get her paycheck, to have her taxes checked, and to have her lazy brother picked up. Now I’m normally a really patient person, but all the stuff she does just annoys me. In the beginning, she used to ask if I’d go get her brother and drive him to her house. Now she doesn’t. She literally just barks at me, telling me to go get him, or she tells him “She’ll be there in a minute”. Normally I wouldn’t mind stuff like this, but being that he’s my ex-boyfriend and I’m not too fond of him it’s difficult. She’s the type you can’t say ANYTHING offensive to either; if you say one thing she doesn’t like, she’s decided not to be your friend anymore.

I went to her house last week to check over her taxes (I used to be a tax preparer), but I had to leave soon after in order to go to class. The second I walk in the door I see her completely dressed up, her boyfriend dressed and ready to go, holding a car seat (they have a 1 year old girl). They immediately proceeded to my car, and I was like “I can’t check them from my car..” she states, “I need my paycheck first. It has my W-2 in it, and I need to go to the store.” Without asking what else I had to do for the day, or anything. 1hr wasn’t nearly enough time to do all those things. We ended up not going but she got really upset, playing the “The baby has nothing to eat!” card, but when looking in their kitchen, she has tons of jars of baby food and there was at least 2 gallons of milk in the fridge.

I know she’s been taking advantage of me. She has been since like.. 2006. What’s worse is that she really is one of the only friends I have, so I don’t want to loose her. I keep thinking I will though, since she’s gotten so upset with me lately. We were childhood friends, but I guess she’s the user and I’m the use-ee

A few weeks ago she and I were going to go shopping. Just have a girls day out. I get a text message on the way to pick her up that her friend Lori and her kids were coming. Didn’t even ask if it was okay, just told me they were. I couldn’t say anything to her but I got a ton of road rage after that.

She sent me a text message yesterday, asking me to come down in order to check her taxes (I didn’t get to earlier since we spent most of the time arguing). I said I would but I never showed. I don’t know why really, I just got really discouraged when I started toward my car. Like, I really didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to see her or anyone else. I think I knew, that if I went there, we’d end up going everywhere else in the world when I really didn’t have time to.  Something just clicked when I got in my car, telling me not to go even though I knew I should have. She got really angry with me after that, asking why I keep blowing her off and that she ‘needed’ to go do things. She ‘depends’ on me so much that I just keep letting her down.

I. am. not. a. taxi. service.

The difference between a taxi and me; I’m free. She’s too cheap to pay the 6$. She knows if she’s got me out somewhere we’ll go wherever she wants. Over the summer she manipulated me into taking her to a water park over 100 miles away, saying “It’ll be fun, you can stay with the baby the whole time!” I sat in the car and nearly died of heat exhaustion the whole time since she kept the baby. My mom always called me a doormat, and I guess she was right. It’s nothing for her to pay 6$ for a cab, she makes well over 2500$ a payday, plus he’s working too. She’s too cheap to buy her own car; plus why do it when you have friends to cart you around everywhere and not have to make car payments or buy gas.

The way she’s been treating me is really affecting my eating habits. Two weeks ago I did fine on WW, I even saw some weight loss. This week… she’s left me so stressed out that I nearly gorged myself.  I really think I gained what I had lost back. I have no idea what to do about it, but I really don’t want to loose her as a friend. Despite her many bad qualities, she does listen to my problems and we do help each other with them. I really have no idea what to do and I’ll have to face her today. So blah.

Thanks <3

It’s nearly February and that means I’ll get to start my internship. Unfortunately with any professional workplace you need the clothes to fit the job. While yes, new clothing sounds exciting, form fitting scrubs don’t. My mom always wore scrubs, being a nurse and all, and her old ones were given to my best friend when she started working as a Respiratory Therapist. Basically, I needed a whole new set and I needed them soon.

I got worried. I really hadn’t measured myself since I dropped 10 sizes, and always assumed that I was still one of the “super plus size chicks”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but let’s face it.. things like scrubs have pretty limited size ratios, especially for those of us who are members of the “Big Hips Club”. This was also going to be my first re-entry into the workplace. I haven’t worked since 2005, and that was doing taxes.

I looked around forever, I just flat out assumed I was a 6x or larger in bottoms,  since they needed to be roomier in the legs (If I wear clothing that constricts my thighs, they spasm and I can’t walk for a few days) but I knew I was a 2-3x in tops. Then, my savior had appeared in the form of a company known as Tafford. I ordered a pair of pants and three tops, and anxiously awaited their arrival. When they came, I put on the bottoms… only to have them fall to the floor. The elastic around the waist wouldn’t even TOUCH me. I was all like, “Whoa, what?” and tried again. It was truly an amazing moment. I discovered that I am a 4x in bottoms and 2x in scrubs from Tafford. Seriously, the only time I was happier was when I discovered I could wear the 26-28 from Fashion Bug.

In other news, Weight Watchers has been.. interesting. I like the freedom to choose my own food, as long as I’m aware of the consequence. I can tell that I’ve lost some weight, though I’m not sure how much. I’ve also given into temptation at least twice this week, indulging in those late night snacks during the commercials of Top Chef. While it wasn’t super bad, it was enough to put myself 5 over my daily point limit of 33. I can also tell a difference in my energy levels and general happiness. When I know I’ve gone off my diet, I guess I subconsciously beat myself up and just feel like blah the next morning. I seriously don’t want to eat or do anything. I really noticed a difference in my walking speed and distance. I was just slower than other people when walking but now I keep a quick pace. Distance wise, I can go awhile before I need to rest. Huge improvement. Going up stairs is great too, I can almost run up them. Going down though… still one at a time. I’m deathly afraid of heights and I have around 30 stairs leading to my front door.

It’s reallllllly weird though, I can feel my collar bone (that one connecting to your shoulders right below your neck) and it’s really defined now. Kinda freaky actually, I keep thinking that I’m going to break it. I can see the dips in the middle of my fingers when fully extended and the joints of my wrist too, seriously it’s creepy.

I bet my heart’s happy though.

Hi there!

This could easily get long so I’m going to do a synopsis:

- I’m a Sophomore in college.

- I’m also attending Vocational School and will graduate in May.

- I used to be well into the 500’s wearing sizes 6x and 7x.

- I developed Atrial Fibrillation (really bad if you’re 22) and got scared into dieting.

- I’m now around 400 wearing 2x and 3x.

What worked back then isn’t working now. I got scared into dieting, literally saying “If you don’t loose some weight, you’ll die.” So yeah, I got a dietitian and got thrown on a diabetic diet (I’m not diabetic). It worked until a friend moved in with me after she graduated college. She was a heavy binge eater, and I gave into temptation. I didn’t loose anymore, but I didn’t gain either. So now I’m on Weight Watchers.. at least trying to be. It’s yeilding amazing results for a lot of people I know so I’m hoping it’ll do the same for me.

As far as getting motivated… it’s difficult. I haven’t had a steady boyfriend in ages, guys around here just aren’t into the big girls. I want to wear smaller sizes, especially since I have gargantuan hips (I’m pear shaped) and would love to be able to have more clothing options. One of the things I noticed when I was on my diabetic diet is that I lost a lot of weight in my face very quickly. My face was always round but now my chin is much more defined and my cheeks don’t collide with my mouth. I’ve still got that under neck pooch but it’s drifing away~ I also lost a lot of weight in my wrists and hands. It’s like, it stayed on my hips. Blah.

Wish me luck!